Another tough class! Super-high humidity in the classroom, although the temperature seemed fine. There was no air, and by standing head to knee pose, I was having dizziness, spots in front of my eyes, and vertigo. I tried to focus on postures, but found myself thinking, "For God's sake, bee-yotch, turn on the exhaust fan!" It didn't help that the class was taught by the same woman who taught yesterday's class, the woman whose voice seemed irritating to me.
I know, I'm the one who's being a bee-yotch.
But it was a difficult class. At least 4 people left the room, and my friend Em ran out and vomited. she came back and finished class though! Supposedly, a lot of students are fighting off colds and flu. I felt pretty queasy myself, even though I'd only had a very light late breakfast, juices and herb teas before class. And class was at 6:30 PM, long after I'd eaten. So I sat out a set of standing bow, skipped a set of camel, had to reign it in and be less forceful during final breathing again. I was too queasy to drink water during class. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I struggled mightily today with misdirected anger. I'm hurt and angry about my break-up, and it makes me less patient with all sorts of things in my life. The girl who cries was at class today, crying. She's also started humming throughout class. I swear, as we pushed up to get ready for fixed firm pose, I had a vision of crawling over to her and smothering her with my wet towel, just to get some quiet.
Yes, she is annoying. yes, it's normal for me to be a little on edge as I deal with and work through my relationship issues. But yeah, it's pretty much pure crazy to get all that annoyed and angry with the crying girl. She's got her own problems.
Do these crazies ever end? I know that break-up drama and pain eventually eases and dissipates.I hope some of the other issues that are part of my "second 30 day crazies" will somehow resolve themselves. I hope that continued practice, getting through the crappy classes as well as the inspiring and wonderful ones, will help me get a little closer to peace, the settled mind. We are so close to day 60, another milestone. I can't wait.
Go Back and Look Again
8 years ago
Maybe the irritating teacher and crying girl are just there to give you a way of externalising your pain so it'll be easier to deal with. They may not know it but they are there to help. Be thankful of their mild irritation as it's giving you something else to focus on.
ReplyDeleteAh, what a wise way of looking at it. Thank you, Johan.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great point of view, Johan. It's much better to get all that emotion out and really feel it than to bottle it up inside.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a peaceful weekend, Sisya.
LOL, (sorry, couldn't help)
ReplyDeleteI just saw how you crawl over, slap the woman and you start this mud-fight in with all the sweaty towells splashing eachother.
(Sorry)
I would go with Johan's thoughts why you are being irritated at a lot of things. Be happy that you can get the anger out in a controlled way so you wont carry it on with you into your new life.
Hey Sisya. It doesn't sound like you had enough food / nourishment in you for class - perhaps that is why you felt dizzy, lightheaded. Low blood sugar can contribute to yukky feelings in class. (as can crazy emotions!)
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