The Crazy 30

A few other 101 Challengers have mentioned the "crazy 30," which refers to the second 30 days of a challenge, when many yogis experience emotional release or have emotional issues come up during practice.

Well, my friends, life, fate, karma, or some kind of Divine power is helping me get right into my Crazies without delay.

A gazillion little problems and a couple of huge ones have presented themselves in my home life, my personal life, and my work life--in just a couple of days!

I am really truly worried about my boyfriend's health and well being, as it's taken a turn for the worse; I am unsure if our relationship can withstand much more stress; our financial situation had a flicker of hope last month, but things are looking pretty grim at present (oh, health care in the good old USA). One of my employers made a small clerical error that will impact attendance in the classes I teach (and therefore, my income) for several months hence, and there is nothing we can do about it. Another employer completely welched on an agreement. Bah!

And other little surprises that stir up emotions: Out of the blue, I got a facebook message from an old long ago friend that I'd fallen out with. Another friend just lost his dad. My dog broke his front leg when he landed wrong after jumping high to catch a ball. I just feel like crying forever. I'm not weeping uncontrollably during balancing stick or anything, but tears are welling up in my eyes in savasana on a regular basis here in February.

Life is just like practicing yoga every day. Yoga is just like living every day. Sometimes it fills us with joy and peace. Sometimes it's a piece of cake. Sometimes you wonder how it could possibly get any better. And then some days, it's just hard, it just hurts. Sometimes, you can't get your mind off of your worries and just be present. Sometimes, at yoga, we block ourselves off from the joy, the release, or the peace, or even samadhi, enlightenment--when it's right there within reach, because we are afraid or too distracted by our worries, problems, shortcomings, and negativity. We can easily miss out on the best parts of every day living too, if we don't find a way to deal with the negative emotions and attitudes, or to face what is painful and work through it.

I am so grateful for yoga because it gives me a chance to change for the better, and move toward deeper awareness. My favorite version of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras translates samadhi as "the settled mind." To me, that connotes a deep profound calm, certainty, serenity. It makes enlightenment sound so...solid. That appeals to me in many ways. Yoga lets me know that a settled mind is there for me, for everyone, waiting. Yoga brings me a little more peace every day, even when I cry or curse my teacher or find myself thinking of things that hurt. More of my issues come to my awareness, and I have this chance, every day, to feel what is painful, bring my heart and my mind and soul into slightly better alignment, and flush out the spiritual and emotional toxins. Tourniquet effect for the soul, so to speak.

Yikes, yes, I'm deep into the Crazies already, and I am looking forward to getting through some sh*t. This is areally difficult time, but I am crazy grateful for the process and for this yoga.