Day Four: A Regurgitation, so to speak.

I went to the 6:30 PM class tonight. Although I have been trying to gradually work my way towards attending earlier classes, I had a busy day filled with work and errands, so class was the last obligation of the day. I was running late, so once again, no cool spot for me. I set up my mat and towel in the hot zone.

Before class started, I was pleased to see Sonya, my 101 Challenge buddy, was practicing right next to me. In spite of my attempts to focus on myself, I look around the room, like the busy-body that I am. My head fills with random shallow thoughts (oh my god, is that girl wearing men's Y-front undies for shorts? Wow, Jane sure has lost weight! She looks great. Who is that guy? Blah, blah, blah). But we began our breathing exercise, and my mind slowed down and stayed focused

For a bit.

As soon as we started half-moon, I couldn't help but notice that Sonya and I were in the midst of the super-yogis...a couple of teachers, a girl who used to be a nationally ranked gymnast, as well as two people who take the Advanced class and participate in Asana competitions. I've made so much progress with my half-moon posture, and I am usually so proud of that. Then I looked in the mirror and started comparing myself to the super-yogis, and I felt so...inadequate. And a little foolish for thinking that my half-moon was so bad-ass. One thought that entered my mind and made me afraid was, "How on earth can I ever aspire to attend Teacher Training? If I go, everyone there is gonna be like these guys--way better than me."

Yikes.

Well, I just had to tune out all that negativity and try to focus on myself. I'm improving, doing better than I used to, so I am winning the only competition that matters, the competition with myself. I can't resolve feeling inadequate in the middle of class, so I tried to just focus on my practice and to cultivate stillness.

I struggled a lot today to reduce the amount of fidgeting and fussing. No rearranging my top or my towel. Minimal hairdo adjustments (that's a tough one for me. I have yet to find the perfect solution to keeping my hair back and under control for the full 90 minutes). I was wearing a racer-back tank, and there was an ungodly itch right in the middle of the t-back, between my shoulder blades, in a spot I might not have been able to reach even if I wanted to scratch. But cultivating stillness helped a lot. I felt calm, still, relaxed in standing head to knee pose. It's always very challenging for me, and that challenge often makes me tense, trying too hard. It was lovely to just balance and be still. A new sensation, that stillness.

I was intent upon doing all of the postures, and I did so today. I drank less than half of my liter of water, even though it was very humid again today, and I was perspiring very heavily. I stayed resting in final savasana forever. I was lying there letting my mind just empty out, and suddenly I noticed that everyone else was gone. Got up, went into the lobby, chatted with Sonya for a bit, then went to the locker room. I drank a little more of my water, got into the shower, and then...

I threw up.

Geez. I don't know what brought it on. I didn't guzzle the water, and I drank far less than usual.
The 'vomit' was completely clear, just water. A teacher once told me that when people vomit after or during class, it's usually a detoxing response to too many stress hormones in the bloodstream. I didn't feel particularly stressed, so I don't know what to make of it. I came home and drank some delicious fresh organic juice, and I feel fine.

Four classes in the bag, ninety-seven to go...