Day 91: Distractions

I had a so-so class today. I was very distracted throughout. I haven't found myself so fidgety and spaced out in a long while. I slept badly last night, and I was feeling stressed and upset through a lot of the day. I ate very little, and I had no opportunity to get myself hydrated until about 2 hours before class. I guzzled an electrolyte drink at 5, and I tried to get some water in me as well, but I was worried about my stamina for class. Between not being properly hydrated and suffering from a lack of sleep, it seemed I might be in for a dizzy little class.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was lacking in focus and low on energy, but I got through it. I didn't hold my standing bow pose for the full allotment of time on either side, but my teacher urged me to go into it further, and I managed to get much more depth in the posture on both sides, however briefly. It felt great to see my foot getting higher and higher above my head.

I've been dealing with financial stress, job applications and interviews, and strained 'negotiations' with the ex. It is easier to handle everything because I have my yoga practice to keep me grounded, but sometimes I just don't cope in the healthiest ways. Yesterday and today were just crappy--lots of upset and negative feeling, and I didn't eat or sleep right. I was forgetful as well; I misplaced my cell phone a couple of times and I took my ring off to wash up and forgot it on the counter. Didn't notice until pranayama at evening class.

I was so...not present tonight. And even in that kind of distracted, bothered state, I saw some progress in a posture. I felt a little more sane when class was done, happy, even. And more of my fellow students asked about the challenge and commented on changes in my appearance and my practice. It's slightly stunning to me that people see changes in me. It's been so gradual that I don't see it clearly. I wish I had taken "before" pictures of my asana, to have a better sense of how much the challenge has changed them.

Well, I'm up too late again, even as I write this. Better get to bed so that I can be better prepared for tomorrow and for tomorrow's yoga. I don't want the challenge to end. I kind of think that I am going to continue a daily practice after April 11.