Tired

I was wide awake 'til at least 2AM. Then I slept deeply, had vivid, amazing, complicated dreams. I woke up around 9:30 because T was up, getting dressed to take the dog out. I rolled over and fell asleep again, dreamed more dreams and woke up at the shockingly late time of 12:30PM.

I dunno--I feel as if maybe I needed the sleep. It's been very difficult for me to maintain a consistent bedtime over holidays. And I took our dog out for an extra extra long walk yesterday, before my yoga class, much longer than usual. Because of rain, cold, and/or snow, I've been keeping the dog's walks to a minimum. Yesterday was beautiful, so we meandered through the neighborhood and the park for almost 3 hours on our afternoon walk.

Energy levels--I have a really hard time figuring out how much of my exhaustion and tiredness is truly physical and what is an emotional or mental exhaustion. I've had some heavy duty stress to deal with. My boyfriend, T, has a chronic, life-threatening illness, and the last two years have been really rough ones. (Right now, his health is better every day, and he keeps saying that he will join me at Bikram yoga class sometime soon).

Yoga definitely helps me to manage stress, but I do feel as if prolonged stress in my life has depleted me. Stress upsets and can deplete the adrenal glands, and, as luck would have it, I'm approaching the age where a woman's adrenals are given the added burden of taking over some hormonal production duties for the ovaries.

It makes sense that I'd be more tired more often, given my age and circumstances.

Last year, I cried at yoga class more times than I can count. I often find my eyes filling with tears as I rest in final savasana. Yoga seems to wring out my sorrow, wring out my tears and worries. It's a life saver.

The challenge is good for me because I am going to get a chance, daily, to let go of all that's been troubling me. I am going to get a chance, daily, to build more health in my body, to replenish every nook and cranny of my body with fresh blood, fresh oxygen. I get a chance every day to breathe a little deeper, a little slower, a little smoother, to get my body used to the relaxation response and less dependent on the old fight-or-flight.

Every day, yoga gives us the chance to begin again, and I am so grateful for that.