So, I am thinking more about my interaction with the advanced teacher/competition coach, and I feel so...squashed. I feel a little bit like she crapped all over my yoga.
I can't begin to imagine how I could possibly take classes and be coached by someone who doesn't want me in her class, doesn't think I am prepared for advanced classes, speaks to me in a disrespectful manner, and shows very little concern for my feelings.
I don't mind the idea of a coach who pushes you hard or pressures you to do more, but I can't bear the thought of training with someone who doesn't seem to want me to succeed.
I have learned one thing from this situation: You can know a ton about the postures and alignment, but that knowledge alone won't necessarily make you a good teacher. If you don't have compassion and respect for your students, you can hurt them more than help them. My feelings are hurt, but I'm not so fragile that this will ruin me. But I know that I never want to discourage students when I teach.
In my limited experience, teaching other styles of yoga, I have taught people who are elderly and have come close to giving up on their health, their bodies, and sometimes even on life itself. I've taught at risk youth, and girls in drug treatment, kids who have sometimes been told again and again that they're not good enough for success, for college, for a good job, for love, for a decent life. People with fragile hope need to be treated with care and compassion. One of the things I cherish about yoga is how the practice can bring us back to our strengths, can show us possibility. I want to, and I try to, nurture a sense of possibility in students. Yoga is so challenging, but so forgiving and so welcoming.
I wish I had a kind-hearted advanced teacher/coach who was sensitive to my feelings and supported me in my goals.
I don't know how I can compete if I don't take this not-so-kind teacher's classes. But I don't think I can take her classes. I could go once a week, to the other advanced class, and try to work more on my own. I can't afford to pay for practice at another studio, and I've worked hard to get my work trade and paid position at our NE studios. I don't know. I just feel a little lost and heartsick, and I'm trying to let go of it, let god or the universe or some divine spirit of yoga take care of it or show me what to do. It's not the end of the world, but it sure threw a wrench in my little plans and dreams.
Go Back and Look Again
8 years ago
Sisya, I really feel that a good teacher (like a parent) would want their students to become better than them, see their practice go deeper.
ReplyDeleteI see this person as needing some humility in their own life.
If I were you, I would really talk to my studio owner and find my rest in my practice.
I do hope you find rest and joy very soon.
Juliana's response was so kind and her cred as a teacher means you should listen to her!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely feel the way you feel were the teacher to speak to me that way, Sisya! From what you said before, you were already on a shaky little limb accepting the challenge. Now, the authority figure shits all over it?
That attitude is what drives me nuts about the Bikram series. I know the series itself is wonderful, and so many of the teachers are. It just seems to attract these odd macho types sometimes. I echo what you wrote already. Don't let 'em steal your peace!
hugs,
E
I already gave you my 2 cents on the last post, but here's some info from the logistical side of things: advanced class and coaching are typically free. So there's no reason (other than studio politics, always annyoing) that you couldn't continue to practice for free at your regular studio and then go visit the other studio once a week for your advanced class.
ReplyDeleteI actually had a really similar set-up when I was a student: I practiced 6 days a week at one studio (where I had work-study), and then once a week I went to another studio to do advanced class (just because I looooved the person who led the class at the other studio). I had to pay for beginners class there if I wanted to take the regular class before (which I always did), but it was totally worth the 15 bucks a week!!
Thank you all for your kind supportive comments on these last 2 posts.
ReplyDelete