How Do I Look?

The Bikram 101 Challenge starts in just four days, so I'm getting all of my clothes, towels, mats, etc. in order. I've managed to assemble a weird little collection of stuff that will work for class. I have a couple of 'Breathe' mats & a couple of sticky mats; a big pile of towels; five pairs of shorts, a tennis skirt, a couple of pairs of capri-length pants (for laundry emergencies only); a drawer full of tanks, sports bras, and the occasional swimsuit top. I think I'm ready.

I used to be very concerned about how my yoga clothes looked, but now I'm all about how the "costume" feels. Like a lot of people, I dragged all sorts of negative body image stuff into the yoga studio. I thought that I'd have to wear capris or bermuda-length shorts to hide my lumpy thighs. I didn't want my tummy to show at all. I see new students all the time who seem to be trying to hide their bodies in big baggy T-shirts, long pants, or even layers of clothes.

Well, I started noticing that women in my classes, of all shapes and sizes and ages, wore shorts and sports bras and just seemed focused on their yoga. So I screwed up my courage and tried it myself. Sure, I felt awkward and self-conscious when I began to pare down my yoga wear, but whatever self-consciousness remained in me was dissolved by the heat. I just wanted to be comfortable, and short pants and a short top are just right. Besides, I get a better wrap in Eagle pose if my thighs aren't covered...the sweat helps slide my leg around. (Is that cheating?)

Damn, though, as a big-busted woman, I have to say, there's a definite lack of supportive/attractive sports bra-tops available. Who ever came up with the "shelf-bra" did not wear a D cup. And who came up with the idea that bathing suit tops, sports tops, and bras could just be sized Small, Med, and Large? It doesn't work for me...I have to improvise sometimes. I have some weird little combos of old bras inside a shelf-bra top.

Oh, but a bout the body image stuff--if you stop trying to hide your body, during Bikram class, you'll start to see how amazing your body is! Even if you're chubby and out-of-shape, or especially if you're chubby and out-of-shape, if you attend class regularly, you will see muscles working and becoming more defined. It's very gratifying to see the shape of your quadriceps emerging from what used to be some kind of cottage cheese zone. Or to see your abs become more defined. Or the lovely curve of your hardworking hamstrings as you bend your knee into triangle.

For me, being critical of my appearance and my body has never ever been helpful. Some people have this crazy notion that if they shame themselves enough, it'll be inspiration to whip themselves into shape. It seems a lot more productive and positive to instead focus on what's good about your body. Bikram yoga can really help with that. Most people start to glow when they're doing Bikram class regularly. The circulatory benefits are almost immediately visible, right there in your face. And almost everyone experiences a rapid improvement in at least one posture if they attend class 3X/week or more. It's so encouraging and satisfying to see yourself improve.