Onward...

My Friday double had me tuckered out, and I slept long and hard that night. I worried about my Saturday class, thinking that I'd suffer from fatigue after doing a double. Saturday was just fine, though. Class was taught by a teacher who jokes a lot but encourages us. The 90 minutes flew by. I was a little wobbly in some balancing postures, but I felt fine, did all of the postures, and managed to keep my water consumption during class to a minimum.

The yoga truck drove into town on Sunday. I wasn't run over, and I wasn't even really truly hit by it, but the bumper did graze up against me. In awkward pose, my quadriceps felt as if some sort of slow-drying cement had been poured between the muscle fibers. I didn't feel pain, and I didn't feel weakness or strain, but it seemed to require more effort to make those leg muscles work. Other than that, it was a pretty good class.

I am off to evening class tonight. On Monday nights, I clean the studio after the last class. In exchange, I get unlimited yoga classes at a drastic discount. I'm so grateful for this opportunity. I wouldn't otherwise be able to afford unlimited yoga. I'm hoping to write in greater detail tonight about some thoughts and observations I've had about the challenge.

16 Classes in 15 Days!

I did a double today! One in the bank! This is only the second time ever that I've done two classes in one day, so it's kind of a big deal to me.

It was great! I took a 4:30 PM class and just stayed on for the 6:30 PM class as well. I felt really good after the first class, had a surge of energy toward the end, and just decided to see how I'd fare in a second class. I honestly thought I'd end up hanging out in savasana a lot, but that didn't happen. I got a little dizzy and light headed in the standing series and ended up sitting out one set of standing bow-pulling pose, but otherwise did all of the postures and feel fantastic. A little more tired than usual, perhaps, but mostly just fantastic!

I love Bikram yoga.

Without Excuse

And another 2 classes in the bag.

I practiced good yoga yesterday, the 4:30 afternoon class. I felt great and strong, during and after class. Everything was beautiful. I had to rush off to a meeting at 7PM and wasn't home 'til almost 10. We ate a light late dinner, went to bed, and I was still just buzzing with energy, unable to sleep. I read for a bit, and suddenly felt ravenously hungry. I got up at 1:30 AM and ate two bowls of granola! I was just starving. I drank more water too; I was also feeling very thirsty. It must have been way after 2 when I finally slept, and once T got up at 6:30, I was more or less awake for the day, though I lingered in bed for another hour.

As it happens, today I needed to get to a morning class in order to make it to class at all. I really didn't have a lot of time to hydrate more, but I thought that since I'd had plenty of water last night, I might be okay.

Nah. Class sucked. Or my experience of class today sucked. I'm a wimp about morning classes anyway. And the whole water/electrolyte thing was out of whack for me. I was not on my proper (ahem) schedule, so I was feeling some intestinal discomfort, if you catch my drift. The room didn't feel hot, yet there seemed to be no air flow at all. I spent the whole 90 minutes nauseated and trying to focus on anything other than how my guts were feeling.

Everyone jokes that Bikram's Torture Chamber is Hell, because, you know, it's hot in there. Sartre said, "Hell is other people." Well, Hell was other people in my class this morning. Or another person.

Damn it, I let somebody steal my peace. And I was doing a pretty good job of peace-stealing all on my own, with my fixations on my guts and my water bottle and my thirst and my nausea.

Just a couple of days ago, That Girl was in another class with me. That Girl was on the other side of the room, but I heard her burst into tears during class. She spent a good deal of it sobbing in savasana. In that class, I felt like giving her a hug, even though I don't know her at all. I've felt that kind of intense emotional release in yoga class myself.

After that class, a few of us were lingering in the lobby, chatting, and a guy who'd been right in front of That Girl started bitching about her, "Sobbing and moaning and groaning! Why didn't the teacher tell her to leave? What a distraction! I couldn't stand it!" I felt he was being a little insensitive, so I kind of lobbed out a few comments about not letting anyone steal your peace, but none of it was really any of my business--That Girl's sobs, the teacher's response, the dude's reaction. Whatevs, people.

Well, today, That Girl was right behind me in class. And by the time we hit standing bow-pulling pose, the wailing had begun. It was louder and more continuous today. It was a vocal sort of crying, no snuffling or tears. The instructor was one of our young ladies who is fresh out of teacher training and a rather shy person. She finally walked back to sobbing That Girl and whispered, "Are you okay?" That Girl's crying stopped abruptly, like she's thrown a switch. She said loudly, in a tone that managed to combine nonchalance with a hint of indignation, "Sure. I'm just having a lot of emotional release. That's why I come here."

"Um, I'm with you, Insensitive Dude," I thought. "They gotta make her stop."

The poor teacher more or less just said, "oh," and went on with class. My mind was off and running in my own personal Hell of annoyance, blame, impatience, and insensitivity. And I was already focusing too much attention on my physical discomforts and not enough on my breath or my asana. Bah! I let my thoughts suck away my energy.

I gave up. I sat out camel and rabbit. I couldn't bear the thought of them, what with the nausea and all. I couldn't bear being in the room, what with That Girl, hamming it up back there.

I continued to silently hate on That Girl in the dressing room, where she talked loudly on her cell phone, but you know what? I really don't ever want to let myself think or feel that way again.

My original response to the situation in class a few days ago is the way I want to think about such things: It's really not my business--other people's behavior, no matter how distracting; how the teachers respond to other students; what the rest of the class thinks of noise in class. I am there to practice yoga. I can only control me and my own response. Getting annoyed and blame-y doesn't help in any way. It hurts. It wastes my energy, and on some level, even if I think I'm not showing it outwardly, I'm putting out a negative vibe.

I'll quote Sartre out of context, again: "We are left alone, without excuse." That's me, after class. I had a bad time at yoga class today, but no matter what happened there, my practice is mine alone, and I am without excuse.

I gotta take this yoga bull by the horns and get serious. No distractions.

Two more down, 88 to go...

Hey, this consecutive classes deal really works! I am generally feeling better physically, in spite of the occasional tired muscle or light strain. In my normal day-to-day activities, I feel more relaxed, my joints feel looser, with better range of motion, and I am more energized.

It's been looong time since yoga made me feel this good. I am finally hitting my stride, feeling replenished by yoga and not depleted. I averaged 4 classes/week in 2009, and that felt like a lot of yoga to me, especially when I was working full-time and going to school part time. I expected to see some differences from practicing more frequently, but frankly, I feared that it might really suck the life out of me, leave me really exhausted. In the past, I've often told myself it was okay to skip yoga because I needed the rest and recuperation. I guess that's not always the case!

I have no earth-shattering insights or break-throughs to report. I figured out my knee alignment issue in floor bow, but the key to half-locust still eludes me. All in all, I feel like my practice is coming along quite nicely!

One of my instructors is fon of saying that Bikram Yoga never gets easy, but it does get better. Yup.

Day 10

Somehow, it just keeps happening: I plan to go to a morning yoga class, but something else comes up, I postpone class 'til afternoon, then something else comes up, and I find myself attending the evening class! I dashed into class last night at the very last minute.

It's funny, but for most of the challenge, so far, the classes I've attended were taught by new or new-to-me teachers. Last night, I got one of my favorite teachers, one of the first teachers I had at this studio. He's tough but inspiring. He pushes you, but does it kindly. It was nice to be in his class last night.

I can't get over the fact that I no longer feel too hot in class. I'm somehow maintaining my energy and no longer feeling depleted during and after class.

I'm a very sweaty yogi. Often, before we finish pranayama breathing, I find myself standing in a puddle of sweat. Sometimes, I'll glance at my neighbors and notice people who seem to have only the merest hint of perspiration even by the end of class, their hair and most of their costume dry. It's funny how differently our bodies handle heat. Sweating so heavily has often made me feel drained. Whenever I've attended a class with a slightly lower temperature, I've felt more energetic. It's only in the last few weeks that I have been to hot, super-sweaty classes and felt strong throughout. I can't get over how good this feels, what a victory it seems.

I tried my hip adjustment in standing bow-pulling pose, and while I wobbled and had to work very hard to keep my balance, the hip adjustment gave me solid alignment.

Last night, half locust just happened right. I can't really pinpoint what the difference is, but some days both legs just float up high, and other times, I just lift at a wrong angle or using the wrong parts of my back and it's all I can do to keep the legs up just a bit. Hmph. I have an ongoing issue with floor bow too. If I don't have my legs at the proper angle, I feel pain in my left knee on lift-off. It seems so hit and miss--as if I'm just chugging along there, and one day or one set is just right and another day or set is just effed up. I want to work on observing myself in both of these postures, to try to identify the problems more precisely.

I am really psyched to have some specific things to work on, focus on, look for and strive for in my practice. Last year, there were plenty of times that my practice felt stagnant. I would attend class, slog through it, dying to get it over with. It felt like doing penance. One of our teachers often jokes during triangle, "the profile of your face miserable in the mirror," and miserable is a pretty good word to describe some of my yoga classes. I just got stuck. I was mired in how difficult it can be, and I got so consumed by the hard parts that I couldn't do anything more than endure. I know that we will all have days like that, but I had a couple of months like that. It's a relief to know that I can do more than just endure class, that I can make progress, refine my asana, my breathing, and my entire practice. I can focus on progress and on the things that feel good. I can enjoy it.

Day 9--With a Little Help From My Friends

Because of an unexpected visit from out-of-town relatives, I didn't make it to morning class or the early afternoon class. I had to rush to get to 6:30 PM class. I am feeling achy in my ligaments and tendons, and I decided to focus on breath and not push too hard in deep stretches, as well as working on bringing more grace and ease to the postures.

It turned out to be a really fun class. The teacher had some amazing advice for alignment and corrections for a few students. I think that I can really improve my standing bow pulling pose because of her comments to another student. Like a lot of people, I do one side of this posture better than the other. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to keep my right foot directly above my head. With the left foot, it just stays in line without any special effort. Teacher suggested not trying to kick as high unless the hips were down lower. I'm not sure that I am saying this in a way that makes sense, but with her demonstration of the pose, it totally made sense. Next time I notice the foot drifting off center, I want to move my focus to hip alignment instead of trying to yank my foot and leg into place by force (and then wonder why my tendons and ligaments feel sore).

The best part of class, though, was full locust. We were a little crowded together, and Sharon was postitioned so that her extended arm crossed at my ankles. When we lifted up into full locust, we bumped each other, glanced at each other in the mirror, and then she put her arm uner my ankles and lifted my legs up, way up, higher than I'd ever gotten them on my own. I was surprised, and let out a little exclamation, "oh!" We both started giggling. It was just fun! I really have to struggle to get my legs higher in that pose, and the temporary boost--a light push, no strain--made me aware of what a fuller expression of this asana would feel like. It made me happy. Yoga makes me happy. The challenge is already working its magic and teaching me things and changing my practice. I can't wait to see what it'll be like as the challenge progresses!

Striving for Grace

I can't believe that we've already finished more than a week of the challenge!

I had a good class tonight. I didn't think about heat or sweat or drinking water. Many of the postures were a bit of a struggle, but I felt good throughout the class. No dizzy feeling, no excessive thirst, no feeling unbearably hot. Maybe I am finally figuring out the right hydration and electrolyte thing.

The lady next to me whimpered like a puppy during half-locust.


Our state Yoga Asana Championship is tomorrow, and one of the competitors demonstrated her set. It included an incredibly beautiful and graceful standing splits. She posesses natural flexibility, but it is her long-term, dedicated practice that allows her to execute the posture with such grace and stillness.

I decided that one of my new goals for the Challenge is to focus on bringing more grace to my practice. I've tried to muscle my way into many a posture, grunting audibly as I kick out in standing head to knee, grimacing through awkward pose, and even, I'm sure, whimpering at some point. I am finally getting a little glimpse of what the instructors mean when they talk about ease and stillness. You can learn a lot by watching an accomplished yogini or yogi.

Which is why I am so dismayed to have encountered some Bikram-bashers complaining about the Asana Championship. At a non-Bikram style yoga class that I taught today, a gentleman mentioned that he'd seen news about this competition, and another student launched into an indignant diatribe about how competitions are un-yoga-like, not spiritual, etc. I wish that I had been prepared with a better response. Sometimes I truly hate straddling two yoga worlds. I told the class that asana competitions have been held in India for a very long time, and also that people have squabbled for centuries about what yoga is and isn't. The indignant lady said, "Oh, yes, and isn't that funny, because 'yoga' means 'union.'"

Well, yes.

I think that the Championships raise awareness about yoga. I think the Championships are inspiring, especially to kids and to yoga students. I would think that anybody who loves yoga or sees its benefits would be happy to see yoga promoted and made visible. If you've noticed what a stressed-out, unhealthy, increasingly obese and sedentary nation we are becoming, I would think that you'd love to see attention drawn to an activity that can calm the mind, refresh us, heal us, and keep us strong.

I don' t get what's so objectionable to the detractors. Do these people hate spelling bees too? They make a competition out of learning to spell, and some kids have more natural aptitude than others, but nobody gets really far in the spelling bee without hard work. Does this process somehow demean kids who are innocently and nobly engaged in learning to spell and write?

I guess you can't please everybody, huh?

I probably ought to try to extend that focus on stillness and grace to what goes on in my head, the things that annoy me. "Let no one steal your peace."