tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60505632187568137652024-03-05T12:59:46.028-08:00Svadhyaya 101Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-9803438572142664572010-12-11T23:50:00.000-08:002010-12-12T00:07:41.490-08:00Things are settling down for me a bit. I feel much more optimistic about my yoga practice tonight. I don't know why, but the teacher with whom I've had issues is not teaching at our studios, at least not in the next month or so. It's a bit of a relief to me. I was just having a very hard time feeling okay when I took classes from her. I have been trying to remind myself that it is always MY practice, no matter what, and I'm going to continue trying to convince myself of it!<br /><br />One of my teachers told me that the 2 year mark is a bit of a watershed for many Bikram yogis. She said that at this point, you either choose to move deeper into the practice or you move away from it. She said she's often seen people go on to take up some other sport or activity after about 2 years of dedicated practice. She said studio owners seem to have a 5 year shelf life, too.<br /><br />I was trying to explain to her what I'm struggling with, internally, about my practice. For the first year or so, it felt like everyone was like, "yea! Good for you! You're doing yoga, and you're coming to class a lot! Awesome!" Then, sometime in my second year of regular practice, it started to feel like some of the teachers and regular students were more like, "Can't you do any better than that? Why aren't you trying harder? You need to work harder! You're not doing it right!" <br /><br />And, yeah, after a while, it's reasonable for teachers to push harder, expect more, etc. It's just...hard sometimes. <br /><br />One thing that's helped me a lot lately is being reminded of the physical benefits of the practice. I SO took it to heart the first time I heard, "As long as you're doing your best, you're getting the full physiological benefit of the posture." One of my facebook friends has a sister who owns a Bikram Yoga studio. She had posted an article about the health benefits of yoga, and while I know most all of that stuff by now, it really helped me to read it all again. I'm not doing yoga with pretty pretty postures as my goal; I'm doing yoga because it's really freaking good for my health--physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-13071155839126357152010-12-05T23:15:00.000-08:002010-12-05T23:51:16.135-08:00Cold Snap/The Winter of My DiscontentIt's chilly outside now, and the yoga studio's heating system hasn't been fully adjusted to cope with the change in the weather. We had a cool class tonight. The room was 96 degrees F when class began, and it warmed up as we went along. By the time we were on the floor, it was just about exactly perfect by Bikram's standards.<br /><br />In a lot of ways, I missed the higher temps. I was feeling a little rusty anyway since I'd done no yoga for a couple days prior to class. I was so stiff in my back, my hamstrings, my shoulders. Trying to stretch my creaky old body in the "cold" room made me long for that sweaty, delicious and simultaneously unbearable heat.<br /><br />Yet I had a so much more stamina than usual. It's very frustrating to me. I sweat so heavily when the room is 105 or higher. And our local studios are often much hotter than 105. I've bitched and moaned in previous posts about the studio floor with radiant heat. It's like being on a hot pizza stone. Lying on the hot hot hot floor, sometimes I feel as if my blood will just start to congeal like a fried egg. It's seriously stolen my peace more than once.<br /><br />When the room is "too" hot (but how hot is too hot?), I sweat gallons, and I feel so depleted, so exhausted, so wiped out that I have to really force myself to continue doing postures. At the hottest of the hot studios, I almost never have a "good" class, and by "good" I mean a class where I feel strong most the way through, able to do some semblance of every posture, every set, without having to dig deep and summon up strength and will and guts and determination. When you practice every day, is it normal to<span style="font-style: italic;"> need</span> to dig deep every single day? Was I crazy to think that I could do this yoga sometimes without hurting and suffering?<br /><br />When did my teachers stop saying that "Relax, it's only yoga," thing?<br /><br />My cold class today was <span style="font-style: italic;">so</span> much easier than normal. It makes me wonder about how often we seem to push through extremes in temperature and humidity. Whenever I'm having a hard time, somebody's always ready to chime in and tell me that it's all in my mind. I dunno. I think I am just finding my threshold, finding the place where it's a challenge but not a beat-down. For my body <span style="font-style: italic;">and</span> my mind. I feel like such a whiner, but damn it, I've been slogging along and digging deep for a long while now. I was hoping, by now, to be a little more fireproof than this.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-78387660854568025562010-11-21T13:32:00.000-08:002010-11-21T17:00:32.345-08:00No guru, no method, no teacher?It's been forever since I've blogged. I've lately had some complicated feelings about my practice, my life, and my health. It's difficult to sort out, to put into words. There's been a little bit of drama at our studio that didn't involve me directly, but it...gave me pause, I guess. I've had some conflicting and complicated feelings and thoughts about yoga, the world of Bikram yoga, and the community at my studio. Kind of messy stuff.<br /><br />I began practicing Bikram yoga regularly during a very stressful time in my life. My partner was incredibly ill, our finances were (and still are) a mess, and I was struggling with depression. Yoga reduced my anxiety, gave me a little island of peace. It was tough but it always made me feel better. It was one place in my life where I could feel really free and focus on myself.<br /><br />After my disappointment with the teacher who leads advanced class, going to yoga class started to feel stressful, started to <span style="font-style: italic;">create</span> anxiety for me. I often found myself in this teacher's class. (My studio has always kept the teaching schedule varied and confidential because in the past, some popular teachers had over-crowded classes and some teachers' classes were avoided and empty. There are times of day and days of the week when more students attend, so mixing up the schedule gives both teachers and students the chance to experience variety).<br /><br />There was never any resolution to our 'conflict,' and I felt very much as if the teacher was scrutinizing my postures all the time, trying to find fault, justify her stance that I wasn't ready for advanced class.<br /><br />I try to focus on my own stuff, and keep reminding myself that my practice is mine, and I don't need to prove anything to anyone.<br /><br />Yet, almost immediately after the incident, I felt a sharp increase in the amount of stress I held in my body. I had stiffness, aches and pains I hadn't experienced in a very long time. I came down with a very nasty sinus infection that still hasn't cleared up completely. I have a weird rash on my face (always good for a girl's self-esteem, ha). I got digestive problems, and I vomited during classes several times in the last month or two, even when I didn't drink water during class.<br /><br />And about half way through October, there were some incidents among other staff members. A couple of decisions were made that hurt some people I care for. It upset me. I've been feeling a lot of disillusionment. I have less faith in several teachers and staff members. I've started to feel like I might be in the wrong place. I have been questioning whether or not to leave this studio, or to leave the Bikram yoga practice. I think I still have deep faith and connection to the yoga, to the series. I believe in the power of this yoga. But I don't know if I want to go to teacher training anymore.<br /><br />I guess that one of the issues I'm trying to digest right now is that I do not perceive the most influential people in my studio to be supportive. The whole "tough love" thing works a lot better if the criticism, attacks, or challenges come from a teacher or guru or mentor who is also able to demonstrate some measure of care or respect for a student. I want, and think that I<span style="font-style: italic;"> need</span>, less tough, more love.<br /><br />And while my practice and what I do with it are certainly MY responsibility, I wonder if there is anywhere in Bikram world where I might feel encouraged again, feel welcomed. I feel as if going to teacher training now would be like being beaten with a stick. Maybe it's not for me.<br /><br />So, I am slogging along.<br /><br />I got to take a class from a senior teacher recently, and she said, to the class as a whole,"You're trying too hard, and you're making it hard. Do this, as an experiment: Come to class and just go through the motions, let go of trying. Then see what happens in your postures."<br /><br />So, I am going to go through the motions for a while, see what happens.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-55163485818312670552010-10-01T22:47:00.000-07:002010-10-01T23:25:43.960-07:00Just ramblingI got sick at class today. Boo.<br /><br />I am starting all over, from scratch--again!--with standing bow. I love love this posture, but I have been on a mission to systematically remove my quirky alignment issues, one by one. Found a big one today, and correcting it means relearning the balance for the posture, distributing my weight differently. Exciting to see clearly what needs work and how to go about changing it, working on it. It's a mini-bummer to see that I've not been doing the posture as well as I'd like, but it sure is nice to know <span style="font-weight: bold;">how</span> to improve.<br /><br />I'm not quite sure about my future in the advanced class (a continuing issue I might write more about in the future). Yesterday, after the last class, I was alone at the studio to do the cleaning and did some simple asana that are not part of beginning series. In my non-Bikram teacher training, I learned a lot of the postures that are part of advanced series. I'm slightly foggy on the sequences in AS, and I would not want to try to do any of it on my own anyway. But I did a few of the postures that I felt I knew well, and it felt good.<br /><br />One of my dearest yoga buddies (another student who wants to do competition but was not welcome at advanced) and I were chatting recently, and we've decided to work together on some things. A kind teacher has offered to meet with us a couple of times to not only give us some individualized instruction, but to also take some pictures of us in various postures. It's so sweet.<br /><br />I am feeling a little better <span style="font-weight: bold;">and</span> maybe a little bitter about the not very encouraging teacher.<br /><br />But I am so so grateful for the community and the goodness amongst yogis. I really love the studio owners, and some of the teachers are just downright incredible human beings, so helpful, so caring. I'm so glad to practice yoga with so many good folks, so many cool people who take classes at our studios. I feel close to a bunch of you yoga bloggers and blog readers too now. In a way, we're all doing yoga together. It's pretty freaking lovely, really.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-28572739824825270662010-10-01T02:02:00.000-07:002010-10-01T02:54:50.871-07:00You Might Not See It...There are so many ways to teach Bikram's Beginning Series! It's pretty mind-boggling, considering that Bikram yoga classes are all taught from the same dialogue, how individual teachers bring their own energy, mood, perspective, wisdom, experience, etc, combine it with Bikram's instructions, and create their own unique classes.<br /><br />Since I want to teach Bikram's Beginning Series someday, I'm paying more attention to how teachers teach. Tonight, after a really lovely class taught by a very gentle, upbeat, and kind-hearted teacher, I was a little surprised by what he had to say about why he taught the way he did.<br /><br />A few students were sitting in the lobby after class, talking about our practices, and a student said, "I always feel like the second I feel as if I've gotten better at posture, I get a whole bunch of corrections. When I was just struggling with the posture, nobody gave me corrections." He was feeling a little discouraged.<br /><br />Gosh, I think I once blogged about feeling the same way! Once I felt as if I was seeing changes in my postures (during my first challenge), it was like the teachers jumped all over me, expected much more of me, whereas before the challenge, I'd been slogging along there for months with no comments on many of my not-so-great asana.<br /><br />We were all musing over various corrections we'd been given, and another student asked our teacher about how & when he chose to give feedback.<br /><br />My teacher said, "I got the shit kicked out of me my whole life, and I don't want to inflict things on others. Some studios demand that you do your teaching in a specific style, but I teach here because I teach best when I'm just being myself. When I give an instruction or a correction and a student isn't doing what I asked him to do, I figure, he either can't physically do it, isn't ready psychologically to do it, or he just doesn't want to do it. If he doesn't want to do it, he's only hurting himself, not me or anyone else, so I just let it be."<br /><br />I guess the thing that shocked me most was hearing this teacher, a very nice, funny, positive person, say that he'd had the shit kicked out of him his whole life. He is so gentle, so calm, serene. He seems so content, so at peace with the world. I love his classes because his peacefulness permeates the class. He seems so free of suffering and insecurity, yet he's evidently endured some intense hardships in his life.<br /><br />I guess that I sometimes mistakenly assume that people who are content and happy haven't had the same sorts of problems and obstacles in their lives as those of us who are currently struggling. What a huge mistake!<br /><br />Similarly, without thinking about it, I found myself making the assumption that B, a woman at our studios who does doubles on a very regular basis and has a beautiful, accomplished practice, doesn't struggle much anymore. It was so surprising to hear her saying what a lousy class she had, how she didn't feel good, wanted to leave the room, was disappointed in her execution of some postures. From a distance, I watch her and think that it looks so easy for her, but it's not.<br /><br />It's always a challenge. You might not see it unless you look for it, but each of us has our own struggle. We're all human, and we can't live in this beautiful world without experiencing pain and adversity. It's all the more amazing, admirable, and inspiring to see the beauty of someone's practice or feel the calm, positive energy of another yogi or teacher when you consider how much work s/he's done to achieve it.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-10990907698660870432010-09-27T12:46:00.001-07:002010-09-27T13:09:50.190-07:00Letting No one Steal Your Peace?I'm supposed to meet with the studio owner and the adv. teacher tomorrow. I spoke with the owner about the whole incident, and I dunno. Owner described the teacher as "tactless," but seems to think that it's not that big a deal. Owner gave me a lot of the "let no one steal your peace" stuff.<br /><br />I don't want to be treated unfairly or badly. If I seek to remove myself from classes and a teacher who does that, am I copping out, am I letting her steal my peace?<br /><br />This feels like a no-win situation.<br /> Either I take classes with this teacher, which pretty much guarantees that I'll be asked to take crap from her --(and by 'take crap,' I don't mean being criticized or pushed hard or challenged; I mean being treated badly by someone who doesn't care about me or my practice one iota)-<br />-or I miss out on advanced class and competition coaching,<br />or I go to great lengths to find some other arrangement to move forward with my practice--like starting all over at a new studio, or finding someone else who will help coach me, or putting it all on hold for another year.<br /><br />I wish things were different. I don't know what to do. Gonna take the dog to the park, sit in the sun, and pray. My problems are little in the grand scheme of things. I'm going to try to summon up some gratitude and calmness.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-76439043476313910982010-09-25T22:46:00.000-07:002010-09-25T23:19:39.518-07:00Focus on PracticeI felt as if I had good stamina today. I made it through my class and my work with no problems. I did all of my postures and felt pretty good about my practice.<br /><br />When I'm in the standing separate leg head to knee pose, with my forehead on my knee, trying to keep my eyes open and not let sweat drip into eyes, sometimes I find myself looking at the mirrors on the side wall. More than once, I've been unable, for a moment at least, to tell which hips in black shorts and which set of legs are my own. It's a weird feeling! <br /><br />I am finding that I have the strength and stamina to do a lot more consistent contracting of my muscles; I'm able to keep them contracted throughout postures. In the past, I found it very difficult. It feels great to be able to do it better, do it more.<br /><br /> It's most obvious in the old standing head to knee/lock the damn knee scenario (contracting the quadriceps), but I am seeing improvement in a lot of other postures when I focus on contracting muscles.<br /><br />Keeping the arms straight and contracting triceps, focusing attention on my arms really helps me keep my balance better in the second part of awkward pose. I've had to work hard to focus on contracting the quads in the separate leg stretching posture. I was hyper-extending at the knee for a long time, focusing on other aspects of the posture, unaware that I wasn't engaging the quads. I especially feel a great difference when I contract the leg muscles, lock the knees, and contract the glutes in cobra pose. I am just really loving cobra pose lately. <br /><br />The postures I want to work on most right now are bow pose and camel. I want to work on staying aligned well in these postures so that I'll be able to release into more of my spine. Right now, I'm aware of a lot of tiny odd things that I do with my neck if I'm not careful. I mean, I do hunchy little things, sort of going forward with my neck before I go back, and it makes a world of difference when I put my attention there and let things line up naturally.<br /><br /> It is amazing to find the myriad ways in which my body holds tension and how that tension can distort my body's natural healthy alignment. The distortions in the neck, back, and shoulders can be so subtle, and so habitual. Some things require a lot of work to change and/or release, but so many of them only ask us to pay a little more attention. How sweet that we can help ourselves with just a little focused effort.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-50746995828189328662010-09-25T11:57:00.001-07:002010-09-25T12:49:54.554-07:00Not the first time this has happened...Yoga studio drama continues...<br /><br />The studio owner has not returned my call. Studio manager says the owner's out of town for the weekend. <br /><br />I'm sure that there <span style="font-style: italic;">are </span>students who want to rush into advanced class before they've built a good foundation. I'm sure that there are many times when a teacher needs to gently suggest that someone work on a specific aspect of their practice before moving on to advanced series. I understand that it can be really difficult for a teacher in those circumstances. It requires a lot of diplomacy and care to communicate real encouragement to the student while still letting her or him know that more work is needed before advancing.<br /><br />I spoke with two other people who are regulars at my studios, who've competed in the championships and taken advanced series. There is, they say, a history of this teacher being rude, discouraging, humiliating, exclusionary and uncooperative with people who want to move up to a new level in their practice. One of these students told me about a couple of instances that took place and said, "I bet (the owners) get at least one email or call each week complaining about (teacher in question)." She said, "Don't worry, it's not you. It's her." She urged me to stand my ground and insist on taking the classes with the 'mean' teacher.<br /><br />The thing is, I don't want to take a class or be coached by somebody who is so disrespectful towards me. I don't trust this person. I don't feel she has my best interests at heart. She does not appear to support my practice or my personal growth in any way. I don't feel very well served by taking her classes. She is really really good at doing the postures. She is really good at telling you what's wrong with your postures. But I don't feel supported or encouraged or improved by her instruction. I am so...<span style="font-style: italic;">fed up</span> with her right now that if I were not a work/trade member of the studio, if I didn't have a paid position there, I would stop coming to these studios and go somewhere else. If I could, I would avoid this person for the rest of my life.<br /><br />In a really lovely, fair, pleasant all the time world, the studio owner would remove this person from her position leading advanced class and coaching for competition. But I don't think that's gonna happen, any more than I expect the 'mean' teacher to suddenly become kind, encouraging, and inspiring to me. This teacher has a long history of unpleasant interactions with students, and it doesn't seem like she's ever been held accountable for it. I guess I'm supposed to get all yogic and spiritual about it and figure out some way to deal with her. Right now, I feel like, "f*ck that." It ain't right, she's not right, and I don't want to deal with her.<br /><br />So here's the worst part: I have a desk shift and cleaning shift before and after her class this afternoon. If I want to practice today, I have to take her class. There's no way that I can sign in students today without having to talk to her. F*ck.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-12048984206578599522010-09-24T03:56:00.000-07:002010-09-24T04:26:15.835-07:00Full moon, head full of thoughts, heart full of emotions...So, I am thinking more about my interaction with the advanced teacher/competition coach, and I feel so...squashed. I feel a little bit like she crapped all over my yoga.<br /><br />I can't begin to imagine how I could possibly take classes and be coached by someone who doesn't want me in her class, doesn't think I am prepared for advanced classes, speaks to me in a disrespectful manner, and shows very little concern for my feelings.<br /><br />I don't mind the idea of a coach who pushes you hard or pressures you to do more, but I can't bear the thought of training with someone who doesn't seem to want me to succeed.<br /><br />I have learned one thing from this situation: You can know a ton about the postures and alignment, but that knowledge alone won't necessarily make you a good teacher. If you don't have compassion and respect for your students, you can hurt them more than help them. My feelings are hurt, but I'm not so fragile that this will ruin me. But I know that I never want to discourage students when I teach. <br /><br />In my limited experience, teaching other styles of yoga, I have taught people who are elderly and have come close to giving up on their health, their bodies, and sometimes even on life itself. I've taught at risk youth, and girls in drug treatment, kids who have sometimes been told again and again that they're not good enough for success, for college, for a good job, for love, for a decent life. People with fragile hope need to be treated with care and compassion. One of the things I cherish about yoga is how the practice can bring us back to our strengths, can show us possibility. I want to, and I try to, nurture a sense of possibility in students. Yoga is so challenging, but so forgiving and so welcoming.<br /><br />I wish I had a kind-hearted advanced teacher/coach who was sensitive to my feelings and supported me in my goals.<br /><br />I don't know how I can compete if I don't take this not-so-kind teacher's classes. But I don't think I can take her classes. I could go once a week, to the other advanced class, and try to work more on my own. I can't afford to pay for practice at another studio, and I've worked hard to get my work trade and paid position at our NE studios. I don't know. I just feel a little lost and heartsick, and I'm trying to let go of it, let god or the universe or some divine spirit of yoga take care of it or show me what to do. It's not the end of the world, but it sure threw a wrench in my little plans and dreams.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-58737264885145622922010-09-23T21:12:00.001-07:002010-09-23T22:04:38.076-07:00Ugh.So, now I have a new challenge, one I was not expecting and do not welcome. I am up in the air right now, after experiencing a LOT of emotional turmoil this evening. I don't know what to d0--don't know what I<span style="font-style: italic;"> can</span> do--in an upsetting and disappointing situation.<br /><br />My studios have advanced classes twice a week. We don't have an officially certified-for-advanced class teacher, but we have two very accomplished certified teachers of the beginning series who "lead" the advanced practice. Right now, close to the Championships, the studios also have a coaching night for competitors, and coaching night is led by an advanced class teacher/leader.<br /><br />My schedule has not allowed for me to attend advanced classes, though I was invited to attend (by the studio owner) a year ago. Having been encouraged to participate in the competition, I made plans to attend advanced class. Last night, I spoke with the studio owner, the studio manager, and another new-to-competition student about attending advanced tonight. I juggled my schedule and took beginning series class, worked a shift at the front desk, and was preparing to run to the other studio for advanced practice. The woman who is leading advanced had just finished teaching at the place I did my desk shift. When she was leaving, I said, "I guess I'll see you at advanced tonight," and that was the last normal moment in my life for the next hour.<br /><br />She looked at me with a completely horrified expression, and she said, "Were you <span style="font-style: italic;">invited</span> to attend advanced? Who told you you could go?" She went on to tell me that she feels I am not ready, and though she can't stop me from attending, she would prefer that I didn't.<br />I stared at her, looking like I don't know what, but I was stunned, hurt, bitterly disappointed, and just freaking shocked, really.<br /><br />She said, "What are you thinking?" and I said, "All kinds of things, really." She said, "Oh? Tell me two or three of them." I told her that I was disappointed and felt very rejected. She said, "See? That's why I think you're not ready. It's not about your ego."<br /><br />We actually sort of quarreled after that, trying to communicate. I felt as if everything I said was either misunderstood or invalidated by this woman, and I am really fairly flummoxed. This woman does the coaching for competition, and she leads one of the weekly advanced classes. I feel as if it is going to be very difficult and horrible for me to try to attend these classes with her as my coach and teacher.<br /><br />I know that I am not perfect and I have ego issues and insecurities, but I can't help feeling that this woman was rude--or at least very insensitive--and not at all supportive of me or my practice. I feel very confused, because I've had several other teachers urge me to compete and to strive to go to teacher training, and to attend advanced practice. I am not the greatest yogi in the room, but my practice has come so far. It's baffling to be encouraged, then have someone in a position of authority take pains to DIScourage me. It is infuriating to try to explain my feelings and defend myself only to have my ego blamed for all the problems, mixed messages, and misunderstandings, the disappointment, hurt, and, well, what feels like disrespect. Ugh.<br /><br />Maybe something will seem clearer later. I am hoping to speak with the studio owner tomorrow, but tonight, for a little while, it's felt like everything is ruined, that I'll never be able to take advanced, go to teacher training, or be in the competition. I am so angry with this teacher right now, and trying to resolve these emotions seems almost impossible. Let no one steal your peace, but gosh, I really didn't expect to have something like this happen. I don't know what to do. This woman has lots of influence at our studios. This disappointing assessment of my practice, along with the really really unpleasant interaction tonight makes me feel...very ill at ease.<br /><br />What am I supposed to do here?Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-89415580147986632092010-09-19T20:08:00.000-07:002010-09-19T20:28:40.492-07:00Talk about a challenge!I've completed 5 classes in the Living Yoga 2 month Bikram yoga challenge. Every fall, the NE studio (now 2 studios) holds a yoga-thon challenge to raise money for Living Yoga and to encourage yogis to deepen their practice. <br /><br />Living Yoga is a local non-profit that brings yoga classes (taught almost entirely by volunteers) to the incarcerated, to people in rehab, and to those living in shelters. It's a great organization, and at some point, I want to blog a bit about the program and the profound difference it's made for so many. All of us participating in the challenge are collecting sponsors/donations (hey, feel free to contact me by email if you want to pledge--no donation is too small!) and trying to ramp up our practices' frequency during the period from September 15 until November 15. My goal is 62 classes in these 62 days. Five down, 57 to go.<br /><br />I am also finally going to try to drag myself into advanced class, and possibly to the 'coached' class for participants in the local/regional yoga championships. <span style="font-weight: bold;">I do not want to compete.</span> I mean, I<span style="font-weight: bold;"> really really don't want to</span> do this thing. <br /><br />I am old, my back's not flexible, and I don't have a very pretty practice.<br />I wobble, I grimace, I sweat and grunt and can't go very far in many many asana.<br />But my teachers encourage me to train for the competition, to do deeper work on my practice, and to challenge myself. Since I've expressed interest in teacher training, I'm told that taking part in the competition will be an especially valuable experience. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I'm not ready! <br /></span>I'm gonna do it anyway.<br />Wheeee!<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">God, I'm scared.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Yikes!</span>Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-86506533780404974672010-09-11T21:27:00.000-07:002010-09-11T21:46:06.712-07:00Weird but goodMy class today was strange, but I so needed it, and it felt really good.<br /><br /> I was a little sleep-deprived, and I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting, moving furniture and boxes. I'm clearing out a lot of stuff from my house, especially all the odds and ends that have accumulated in the storage area of the basement. I got up early today to hold a yard sale with my friend, S, and we had a good day, chatting to neighbors and yard salers, wheeling and dealing, hanging out in the sunshine.<br /><br />I went to class with a little sunburn, and not quite as hydrated as I wanted to be. My back was stiff. My legs felt heavy. I had trouble with every single posture that involves back flexibility, which is to say, most of them. <br /><br />During the 2 minute savasana, my unfocused mind was wandering a bit, and out the blue, I was thinking about a little boy I knew in grade school. <br /><br />His name was John, and in first grade, Sister Marilyn made both of us sit in the front of the classroom because we were "talkers." We were thick as thieves, and we probably talked even more, up in the front row right next to each other. One day at school, John brought a Kennedy half-dollar to class, and he proudly showed it to me. It happened to be on my birthday, and later in the day, when Sister announced that it was my birthday, John turned around in his seat and gave me his half-dollar.<br /><br />A few winters later, when we were in fourth grade, John died in a sledding accident. I haven't thought about him in years, and suddenly today in savasana, I was lying there crying, remembering this sweet little boy. How strange. But it is good to remember him.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-63617344899977405692010-09-08T14:09:00.000-07:002010-09-08T14:26:15.305-07:00What happened there?Today I took a late morning class, and I felt like hell going in. I was still sleepy and stiff, and I have been having a slew of digestive issues these last few days. Bleah. Just didn't feel like being there. <br /><br />Have you ever started to watch a movie or TV program, and felt bored or disinterested at the beginning, considered turning it off? But then, somehow, you get caught up in the story, you're dying to know what happens next, and you've sort of lost yourself for a while because you're enveloped in this other reality?<br /><br />That's was class was like today. I was so bored with pranayama. I was <span style="font-style: italic;">so</span> not into trying to touch the ceiling during half-moon warm-up. I felt achy and cranky, and I wanted to be home, in my bed, with the covers pulled up. But somehow, I don't when or how, my mind floated out of that attitude, and I was just so engrossed in the practice that I didn't really<span style="font-style: italic;"> think</span> anymore.<br /><br />How does that stuff happen? Can't I always be in that magic, non-thinking state during yoga?Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-65509061102386917392010-09-08T00:06:00.001-07:002010-09-24T05:14:52.904-07:00You learn something over & over every day.As I was finishing up cleaning the showers at the yoga studio tonight, I suddenly realized how tired I was. I got home a little less than an hour ago. I got up at 6:00 AM today, and our new class schedule means that cleaning lasts until 11PM, at least. I'm not really pleased about that, but oh, well.<br /><br />I got up early today because I had several errands that I needed to complete before "work." I wasn't working all day, mind you, just a few hours. This morning, my work was observing a yoga class for people with Multiple Sclerosis. I'm assisting the teacher, a certified Iyengar teacher who's been living with MS for a couple of decades. It was really interesting, and I am happy to be learning more about the adaptions to postures and more about restorative postures. Bikram is my true yoga-love, but I really like exploring other styles of yoga and learning about postures or sequences that are helpful for specific groups of people. Sometimes it helps me appreciate my 26 & 2 even more!<br /><br />There was one particular student who had pretty severe mobility issues, but she kept working on her practice. Tonight at my Bikram class, I was thinking of her and also remembering people from my seniors gentle yoga classes. There have been days at Bikram classes when a teacher told me to do something differently or to put more effort into it, and I thought things like, "Bitch, please, I <span style="font-style: italic;">am</span> holding my stomach in," or, "This IS the best I can do! Lay off!" Seeing other people, outside the little bubble of our studio, doing yoga and really meeting the challenge of it, without complaint or self-pity--it makes me feel a little bit ashamed of myself. The challenges of yoga are so much deeper than the physical postures, and I can't seem to learn that fact well enough.<br /><br />Ah, off to bed now.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-44877011837834058312010-09-03T21:10:00.000-07:002010-09-03T21:36:56.761-07:00On my way to becoming Fireproof?Today was so beautiful--a perfect autumn day: a crisp nice morning and a gorgeous sunny afternoon. It's a little sad to see the days getting shorter, but we even had a pretty sunset this evening. Me and my Buddy had the best walk ever today, and one of us chased a tennis ball around the park until he got so tired he couldn't stand up.<br /><br />I spent the late afternoon at the studio, working and taking a class. The old studio has been really hot the last few days. Yesterday, I practiced at the new studio but went to the old one to do some work. People coming out of the last class at the old studio looked drained, drenched, and traumatized. The teacher told me that <span style="font-style: italic;">he</span> felt like he was gonna pass out, it was so hot. According to the thermometer in the yoga room, it reached 118F. <br /><br />So today, I took my class (no water again), and was busy thinking about my practice, thinking about what to make for dinner, thinking about friends, conversations, and job applications. My mind was wandering all over the place. I thought about how nice water was going to taste when class was finally over. I thought about that a lot.<br /><br />My wandering thoughts made practice difficult in some ways. I had a hard time balancing today. In standing head to knee, by now I always lock the damn knee, for sure. But I was very wobbly today, fell out several times. Same deal with standing bow pulling pose: Wobbly, falling out. I feel as if I did a great balancing stick today though. And come to think of it, half-moon felt especially good today too.<br /><br />Practicing this yoga is never easy, but some days it's really really incredibly draining, challenging, difficult, painful, or exhausting. I have <span style="font-style: italic;">lots</span> of those rough days, days when I sit out postures or want to do so. Surprisingly, I didn't feel tired out or too hot today at class, not at all. I felt a little scatter-brained and distracted, but physically comfortable with the practice.<br /><br />When we got out of class, everyone else was exclaiming, "Oh my god, it was hot!" and that sort of thing. Turns out it was 117-118 again.<br /><br />I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THE HEAT!<br /><br />This feels like some kind of amazing break-through to me in some ways. I didn't have an outstanding class, in terms of how I executed my asana, and I didn't maintain focus very well, but I withstood extra heat without even noticing it, without my mind complaining. Damn, that feels good!Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-86283316492801577372010-09-03T00:31:00.000-07:002010-09-03T00:41:44.082-07:00Thirsty!I didn't drink water during class this afternoon, but it was an accident. I was working at the front desk just prior to class, signing in students, and I had to dash around, locking the front door, double checking that everyone had what they needed, and so on, just as class was starting. I ran into the room at the last minute, and I forgot to bring my water bottle. <br /><br />It was fine. I was really wishing for my cool water by the time we hit fixed firm pose. It's always my weak moment. I can skip party time and any other water break, but I like a drink as I get into fixed firm. Hmph. I lived without it, no problem. And I hadn't really done much hydrating throughout the day either. I should maybe try to do without it a little more often.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-15759181975263511602010-08-31T16:41:00.000-07:002010-08-31T17:22:29.452-07:00New stuff! New challenge!I am sitting here at my computer, feeling that nasty twinge of sciatic pain in my right hip. Something's out of whack in my back, and I have sciatica that comes and goes. I was moving some heavy boxes, and I strained some back muscles and also knocked things a bit out of alignment, I guess. I had a very very tough class the day after I hurt myself, but it's been better every day since then. And I've had some really good classes this week.<br /><br />Today will be my 8th consecutive day of practice. I've really neglected my practice these past few months. I had a whole week with no yoga in June, and I cut back to 4X/wk for most of the summer. I didn't intend to do so, but I somehow just didn't make it to class an awful lot of the time. <br /><br />Another thing I don't like to think about is this: I gained back about 9 of the 12 pounds I'd lost during my 101 Day Challenge (from Jan 1- Apr 11). :(<br /><br />I ate bad food too often this summer, and I ate a lot. During the challenge, I could eat damn near anything and still find myself losing weight. That every single day thing makes a HUGE difference in my metabolism, and I got a little cocky, thinking I could have all of the fries I wanted w/o gaining. Well, guess what? Unless I've got an intense <span style="font-style: italic;">daily</span> practice going, I've got to be more conscientious about my diet. Damn it. <br /><br />Well, things must change! I looked up my attendance, and I found that if I go to class every single day until the end of the year, I will end up with 309 classes for 2010. I have a new goal now: I want to end 2010 with at least 310 classes for the year. I am also gonna do my best to eat right! More vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, healthy fats.<br /><br />An added incentive to attend class daily is our studios' annual Bikram Yoga Challenge. Every fall, our studio has a 30 or 60 day challenge that's a fund-raiser for Living Yoga, a program that brings yoga classes to the incarcerated, to people in drug and alcohol addiction treatment, and to people living in domestic violence shelters. I've volunteered a little for Living Yoga, but I've never signed up for the fund-raising challenge. We gather pledges of support--a friend might pledge to donate $1 for each class we attend during the 30 or 60 day challenge period. I'm gonna do it this year! I plan to be doing the yoga anyway, so I may as well do what I can to contribute to Living Yoga. <br /><br />Oh, and I have a new yoga opportunity outside of Bikram: Once a week, I am going to be assisting an Iyengar teacher with a class for people living with multiple sclerosis. I'm very excited about it. I start next week. <br /><br />I've got a new hobby/project here at home too: Kombucha brewing! Is kombucha a big thing at other Bikram studios? We sell it at ours, and it's very popular. A student visiting from the South was sort of mystified by it, had never seen it before, so I wonder if it's a West coast thing? I used to hate the stuff, but now I crave it. At $4 a bottle, it's an expensive addiction, but it tastes seriously wonderful after class. Several people from our studio brew their own, and I recently adopted a couple of "babies" to start my own brewing. Very excited about this too!<br /><br />So, I'm off to the studio quite soon. Gonna run the front desk, do the greeting and signing in, duck into class at the last minute, then clean the studio after everyone leaves. Cooler weather and back-to-school schedule changes are already making our classes fill up quicker. It's weird to be up sort of late, doing something yoga-related. I usually don't get home until almost midnight when I clean after a 7PM class. <br /><br />I am feeling a little of the 'back-to-school' enthusiasm myself. I'm going to be back to daily yoga classes, back to teaching a little bit, and back to a little more focus on my own health and well-being. And I'm going to blog more too!Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-80375054675214708692010-08-22T01:18:00.001-07:002010-08-22T01:46:17.928-07:00I'm Back!I can't believe that it's been so long since I've written anything here! I have been busy--working at 2 jobs for a total of 50-70 hours/week since late April--and preoccupied.<br /><br />And this is just a quick update. I've been making it to yoga quite a bit, but I haven't had a stretch of more than 7 days in a row for quite some time now. Never less than 3X/week though, usually 5.<br /><br />I'm not gonna make it to TT in September. No money, not ready, etc, etc. One of our newly minted teachers told me, "If you wait 'til you feel ready, you'll never go!!" I am going to apply for a scholarship for Spring Teacher Training and see what happens.<br /><br />Tonight I practiced with 3 other women at a class taught by one of our very best teachers and yoginis. After class, in the changing room, she said, "Oh, my muscles are so sore!" I said, "Oh, what from?" and she said, "I don't know!" For some reason, I found this shocking. I guess that I wasn't aware of how much and how often I put skilled yogis and teachers on a pedestal. Yes, even the strongest, most flexible, knowledgeable practitioners of yoga have aches, pains, and challenges--mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. They put their yoga shorts on one leg at a time too, ha.<br /><br />When I'm sore or achy after yoga, I sometimes tend to see it as a big negative thing, proof I'm not 'good' at yoga, or one more reason to be grumpy and resistant to my practice. I've also managed, at times, to see aches and soreness as signs of progress, encouragement, proof that my practice is moving somewhere new, doing something to literally change my body. <br /><br />It's so easy to get caught up in the illusion that my practice is like a job: I have tasks to complete, and then I'll be done. I see my teacher, a woman with an incredible practice who makes every asana look effortless, who's practiced for more than a decade, and she still experiences change and growth and pain in her practice. <br /><br />No, yoga practice is not like a job. It's like...I don't know...a good friendship: One never knows where it might lead, it can grow deeper, stronger, and more fulfilling with time, and often painful things somehow lead to something sweet. My best friendships are like that...and I guess that yoga is a kind of friendship, with one's self, one's spirit, and with a universal spirit, the Divine. I am so grateful for my yoga practice.<br /><br />I hope to blog a little more often from here on out.<br />Oh, and I may be doing another Bikram Challenge soon...Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-3273606544911064992010-06-01T22:05:00.000-07:002010-06-01T22:19:27.533-07:00Promoting Bikram Yoga...in my neighborhood--that's what I've been doing. I never planned on doing it, but it keeps happening. I walk just a few blocks from my home through a residential area to get to my studio, which is in a nearby business district. Almost every night, as I'm staggering home, clutching my mat, with my hair still wet from the shower, people ask me, "Were you at that Bikram yoga place?" or, "Did you just do hot yoga at that studio up the street?" <br /><br />I've been stopped by homeowners doing yard work, a group of hipster kids on fixies, young mothers pushing strollers around the neighborhood, and an elderly gentleman sitting on his porch. People ask, "What is Bikram yoga like?" I very much loved it when the older man asked me, "Do you think that <span style="font-style: italic;">I</span> could do that stuff?" and I was able to say, without reservations, "Yes!" <br /><br />I feel really fortunate to live in my cozy little neighborhood, the kind of place where people see our new studio as a part of our community and are interested in checking it out. I hope I see more of my neighbors there next time we have community day. I want to keep spreading the word.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-68436805296137095592010-05-29T00:14:00.000-07:002010-05-29T00:45:35.622-07:00Finding Time...for yoga, for blogging, for rest and relaxation has been hard! I've been working 50+ hours a week. I know that millions of other people work that much and more all of the time, but it's a shock to my system after a year and a half of unemployment and very part time employment. I missed a day or two or three of yoga every single week since I started working!<br /><br />Random thoughts about my yoga practice these days:<br /><br />I feel like the princess and the pea at yoga class a lot. Every little wrinkle in my mat or towel seems to drive me crazy and distract me. I'm working on staying focused on my practice and overcoming the urge to be distracted. I guess the princess in that fairy tale probably needed to fight distraction as well. Bikram would've sorted her out.<br /><br />My left hip joint did something weird and painful last week...but it seemed to straighten out my left leg a bit. In the midst of wind-removing pose, I felt something crackle and move and hurt, deep in my left hip, right in the joint. I had intermittent soreness and pain for 4-5 days afterward, but it feels fine now. I think that my hip joint is more open, and some of the misalignment in my left leg seems to be diminished. Weird to have it happen so suddenly, especially since I've felt so sleep deprived, tired and achy these last several weeks. But I think it's a good thing. <br /><br />Radiant heat in the yoga studio flooring is...awfully unpleasant at times. Today, at the end of standing series, the teacher said something like, "Now we'll rest on the floor," but I heard it as,"Now we'll ROAST on the floor." Honestly, I feel like slab of meat on a grill when the floor is really hot. I hate it. <br /><br />There is a direct correlation between how grounded and balanced I feel in my work, social, and home life and how well I am able to perform balancing postures. <br /><br />If class ever becomes routine to you, all you need to do is listen very closely to the dialogue and try to have 'beginner's mind.' Just try to hear the instructions, as if you didn't know the posture at all and were just starting out, and you will find a plethora of new things to focus on.<br /><br />Lots of way too hot classes in a row almost suck the life out of you, but you get really tough from powering through them. When you go to a 'normal' 105 degree class after 3 days of classes with temps over 108, you will feel like Super Yogi, and every posture will seem easy.<br /><br />I am up way too late again...but at least I get to sleep in tomorrow. Back to work on Sunday, but back to yoga every day. I hope to post here more often, and I hope to have something worthwhile to say!Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-53283689821154380032010-05-05T00:08:00.000-07:002010-05-05T01:19:56.629-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfKLLmQw2AOgN_XS0LVidI5zFd56TzsNqbpDkoHfsBE0wP1CoXrWvpoysqQmf6aSoMdidahvTHVeON0t2X_8E6hVsjowCOy4aiMuF7WTSrvArVaZlPCYz2lu0K_lAlU4uve9f-CyovyCM/s1600/DSCN0088.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfKLLmQw2AOgN_XS0LVidI5zFd56TzsNqbpDkoHfsBE0wP1CoXrWvpoysqQmf6aSoMdidahvTHVeON0t2X_8E6hVsjowCOy4aiMuF7WTSrvArVaZlPCYz2lu0K_lAlU4uve9f-CyovyCM/s320/DSCN0088.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467681638916431154" border="0" /></a> A picture of my best friend<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBQdkc2HbQzxzo7w87Og0kdek6lOuXDWdJEgBn-LwFe44wkayF9zSA8Kpg6cfvbth0428Nitlk9UcXmPKw9JF6tmRD2uISUUD4yTMnsCMMiFxmCUob9mTXO_tFJqfVD73MZHX-N1Sq-o/s1600/DSCN0115.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBQdkc2HbQzxzo7w87Og0kdek6lOuXDWdJEgBn-LwFe44wkayF9zSA8Kpg6cfvbth0428Nitlk9UcXmPKw9JF6tmRD2uISUUD4yTMnsCMMiFxmCUob9mTXO_tFJqfVD73MZHX-N1Sq-o/s320/DSCN0115.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467680750377403970" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvY732v-qqo-wzj3wURuyhyphenhyphenXFFsEegyjHgY74MYguMOeXqD7Mw4yKKr_9giDgzacEl13eT9f1c2cMFjHBMroDTOljIVzP7TgkRQkqvOfJ6GjsumLBZI1lqORDsIArjmcd6yxQzAYGqQxw/s1600/DSCN0113.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvY732v-qqo-wzj3wURuyhyphenhyphenXFFsEegyjHgY74MYguMOeXqD7Mw4yKKr_9giDgzacEl13eT9f1c2cMFjHBMroDTOljIVzP7TgkRQkqvOfJ6GjsumLBZI1lqORDsIArjmcd6yxQzAYGqQxw/s320/DSCN0113.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467680740589787426" border="0" /></a> and two pictures of me.<br /><br /><br />These were taken just after class on Day 101 of my challenge, April 11. I can't figure out whose legs are in the last photo! I suppose I should try to crop them out, but I kinda like them there.<br /><br />These are my "after" photos, but I don't have copies of the "before" shots; they were on my ex's camera and computer. You'll have to trust me when I say, there was in a noticeable improvement in my appearance and in my standing bow. My practice improved and changed so much. The challenge was such a valuable experience.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-64486703774240808382010-04-27T22:38:00.000-07:002010-04-27T22:48:02.092-07:00No sleep, plenty of energy...I had to get up early today, and I didn't sleep well last night. I got four or five hours of sleep, but no more than an hour at a time. I felt very very sleepy during my training sessions for work, but once I got to yoga, I felt great. I had a fabulous class with no fatigue at all.<br /><br />How weird is that? Especially since I felt run down and ill yesterday.<br /><br />I've noticed this before, that I often have pretty good classes on days when I am sleep deprived. I've always heard stories of how Bikram keeps everyone up late at teacher training, but maybe there really is some process whereby we tap into a secret store of energy when we don't get much sleep. Hmm.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-37642315088537485342010-04-27T00:07:00.000-07:002010-04-27T00:41:42.071-07:00Changes AgainI need to get to bed because I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and a busy couple of weeks ahead. Just finished eating late dinner after cleaning the yoga studio tonight. It's pouring rain outside.<br /><br />My yoga was difficult today, but good, and healing. I woke up with a nasty sinus headache, and I felt crappy all day long. I think I am feeling stressed out, and it's making me run down. I dosed up on some herbal tinctures, and like blogger Bikram Barbie, I made friends with my neti pot. I had several packets of Emergen-C and lots of water and ginger lemon tea. I ate raw garlic too, and I hope that no one at yoga will hate me for it, because I know it stinks when it's sweated out. <br /><br />Yoga took a lot of effort. I wanted very badly to sit out postures, just purely from fatigue, but I managed to keep telling myself, "just one more set; it'll be okay," and I made it through all of the postures. Well, actually, I didn't stay in camel for the full allotment of time on the second set. <br /><br />I felt almost human again after yoga. I rested a long while after class, and I drank two liters of water. <br /><br />I think that a lot of my stress is just about changes in my life. Change is often stressful, even when it's good change. I am going to be a lot busier for the next few months. I've been unemployed and lazy for so long. I'm used to relaxing and reading and walking the dog and going to yoga, teaching a little here and there, applying for a few jobs every week. It's a little jarring to contemplate switching up the routine, but it is very welcome, this change.<br /><br />I'm going to be spending more and more time at the studio(s): I was offered some part time paid work, cleaning and maintenance along with a little bit of front desk work. My old "home" studio closed last month when the owners opened the beautiful new studio in my neighborhood. The original studio will be re-opening some time in May, so there's a need for more staffing. I am so happy to get a little paid employment, especially since it's at a place I love with people I love to be around. As a person who's been unemployed for quite a while, I can't tell you how nice it is to be offered a job, out of the blue (and not have to write another freaking cover letter)!<br /><br />I'm also starting temporary work tomorrow morning for the US Census Bureau. I worked for the Census last year, and we were told we'd have about 2 months work, but it ended up being just 3 weeks. I am expecting something similar this time. I will have several 9 hour days for training to start out.<br /><br />And one more change is happening at the end of the week: I'm getting a housemate. I am renting out the extra bedroom. My housemate is really wonderful, and she will be here through the summer. She's leaving to start a graduate program in September, and I hope to either develop a means of steady income sufficient to pay the bills here on my own by then or else find a way to downsize. Maybe I'd get another housemate then, but I have to say, I like that this is a temporary arrangement, just in case. <br /><br />I think yoga will kick this sinus issue out of me if I keep going to class every day and get some rest! Yoga is so amazing.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-75156717763308029372010-04-25T21:47:00.000-07:002010-04-25T22:10:55.947-07:00Just another day, a good one!I had a good class tonight. Struggled a little with triangle today, and I lacked balance in standing bow. But my stamina was good tonight, I felt strong. I wasn't looking forward to class because I wasn't very well hydrated, but my fears were unfounded.<br /><br />On the 101st day of my challenge, after class, I asked one of the teachers to snap a couple of pictures of me. My ex took pictures of me on Day 1, and I wanted to have before and after shots.I chose standing bow for one of the photographed postures because I love to do it. So my teacher took some pictures of me doing standing bow, and she said, "Now do it with your foot straight. You keep moving your toes inward."<br /><br />I was doing the posture on my "good" side, and I was completely unaware that I've been moving my toes in, not keeping the foot straight. I am now in the process of learning all over again how to balance on that side. My "good" side is now my bad side! I don't contort my foot on the other side. So, yes, I had trouble balancing today, but I am getting better.<br /><br />Lately, I feel a deeper stretch in my waist and torso in postures like half-moon and camel. I am not going into the postures deeper, but I feel a deeper, more aligned kind of stretch and pull. It is really amazing to feel and see new things in my practice all of the time.<br /><br />I'm sleepy! There's so much more that I'd like to write about, but it will have to wait for tomorrow or later.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050563218756813765.post-12408310524100115882010-04-20T22:56:00.000-07:002010-04-20T23:29:45.513-07:00Bringing it up again...I have a non-yoga-doing friend who asked me all about my challenge. She is one of those folks who is afraid of Bikram Yoga, who will say, "Oh, no, that's not for me; it's too hot," without ever trying it. She wants to know why I threw up after class a few times, and once during class.<br /><br />I don't know the answer!<br /><br />One teacher told me that if my life had been stressful (yes), and full of excess cortisol and other stress hormones, my body might be doing a quick detox by vomiting. Other teachers blame it on water--saying you shouldn't ever drink any water during class, that I wouldn't have puked if I hadn't taken a drink at party time, fixed firm, etc.<br /><br />At least one of the days when I vomited, I was feeling ill anyway, on the verge of some kind of flu or something. It's been mentioned (by dear Yolk E, I think) that dehydration can sometimes cause vomiting. <br /><br />I think that all of these things played a part in my vomiting incidents. Anybody have any other ideas?<br /><br />I continue to go to class daily, and the new studio is doing a booming business. It's almost overwhelmingly busy. When one class is letting out and the next one is suiting up, our changing rooms are packed! You don't have enough room to take your pants off without bumping into your neighbor. It's kind of exciting to see all the new faces, and there's lots of energy in the air, but sometimes I long for a quiet, private bit of space after class. I am letting final savasana get longer and longer! This lets the dressing room clear out a bit, lets my head clear out a bit, and it's supposed to be helping my body integrate my yoga for the day too. <br /><br />One thing that I am having trouble adjusting to: The new studio has radiant heating in the floor! It's weird, because I am used to getting a little cooling when we move to the floor series, but there isn't much cool down there now. <br /><br />I am worrying about the next few weeks--I have some temp work at normal people's work hours! I finally have to see what it's like for most folks with regular jobs to try to make time for 90 minutes of yoga. In order to do my daily Bikram yoga and teach my regular classes, I will have to get up at 5:30AM and take 6:00AM class at least a couple of times per week. On the other days, I can just work 8-5 and make it to 6:00PM class, but maybe I should just try to be a real morning person and do 6:00 AM class every day. Hmm. It will be interesting. But I want to keep going, doing yoga every day.Sisyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07089831704119926197noreply@blogger.com3